What is domestic violence?
By Julia Burch
(Editor's note: Julia Burch is the executive director of Fair Haven, the local domestic-violence shelter.)
Either you are going to relate to this article and know what I am talking about or you are going to think I am from another planet because "this kind of stuff really doesn't happen … especially in Jesup, Ga.'
Domestic violence--whose synonyms include domestic abuse, spousal abuse, battering, family violence and intimate partner violence (IPV)--is defined as "a pattern of abusive behavior in relationships (marriage, dating, family or cohabitation) that is used to gain or maintain power and control over a partner, spouse, girl/boyfriend, child, parent or grandparent."
Abusive behavior has many characteristics under four main areas:
•Emotional: verbally insults you with put-downs, name-calling, cursing and threats; isolates you from family and friends; acts jealous and shows lack of trust; punishes you by withholding affection; forbids you to attend church.
•Physical: damages property-punches walls, kicks doors, throws and breaks things; abandons you in an unfamiliar or dangerous place; scares you by driving recklessly; forces you to leave or traps you in your home; pushes, slaps, punches, kicks, bites or chokes you; uses a weapon to break your bones or stab or shoot you.
•Financial: withholds financial information; disperses insufficient amount to manage household; will not allow you to work; refuses to share money.
•Sexual: views women as objects; accuses you of cheating; demands sex when you are sick or tired or after a beating; wants you to dress in a sexual way; hurts you with objects and involves other people in sex.
The nine trained staff persons at the Fair Haven domestic-violence shelter have listened to victims who have experienced every situation listed above and many not mentioned. We have viewed the choke and handcuff marks, the burned skin, the bruised and fractured body parts, and the disbelief in their eyes--all in Jesup.
Children who are exposed to domestic violence during their upbringing suffer emotionally, socially and behaviorally, as displayed by aggressiveness (being the "bully"), anxiety, depression, withdrawal, problems with attitude and problem solving, and getting along with friends, family and authority. Children who witness mother-assault may experience posttraumatic stress disorder. In some cases, the abuser will purposely abuse the mother in front of the child to cause a ripple effect, hurting two victims simultaneously.
The greatest obstacle when a victim wants to leave the abuser is financial. Victims can be stunned with the reality of the extent to which the abuser has taken away the victim's independence. Owing to financial abuse, the victim has very little money and few people on whom to rely when seeking help. Many times victims lack specialized skills, training and education that are necessary to find gainful employment which creates self-sufficiency.
Fair Haven helps remove barriers to safety by providing assistance for the victim's needs. Assistance may be emotional support over the phone or in person where safety planning takes place. A victim and her children may need a safe place to sleep to escape harm.
If you or someone you know is in an unhealthy relationship, call Fair Haven at 588-9999.
You can help Fair Haven and victims by donating any clothing (but not in Goodwill boxes, all of whose contents leave Wayne County), furniture, and any household items to Fair Haven Market. The market is open Monday-Friday from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. at 137 N. West Broad St. in Jesup; the telephone number is 588-1998.